Category: transport

My delivery company have stuck one of those ‘If you can’t see my mirrors, I can’t see you’ stickers on the back of my lorry. Contrary to what I thought, the judge has stated its not a licence to run over blind people.

BBC News: Man trapped inside rubbish lorry. Probably Polish-made and second-hand then…

I don’t know where “Not In Service” is, but it seems to be really popular tonight, all the buses are going there.

Why did the lorry driver cross the road? Because his wife had left him and he wouldn’t see his kids again.

I took my car to the garage today. “It looks like your belt is knackered mate” “Really?” I said “how do you know?” “Your trousers are on the floor.”

Automatic transmission: Because it’s simply too complex for an American to comprehend gear changes.

I’m going to sew the chip from my oyster into my hand. That way the next time I get on a bus I can high five the machine and confuse everyone.

I bought a black cab, it’s such a friendly car. Everywhere I drive people wave at me.

What’s with train spotters?? I saw 23 of them on my way here.

Birmingham City Council have had a fantastic idea of how to solve the public transport issue in their City. They’re going to plant more trees.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Tube workers were on strike.

Just failed my driving test … “What is a sign you may see on a motorway?” ….. “Pick your own strawberrys” Isn’t an acceptable answer!

I just read that over 1 billion train journeys were made in the UK last year. Probably made by just one guy trying to get from Birmingham to London.

For a laugh I like to park my DeLorean outside Ladbrokes then go in and ask them if I can place a bet on when time travel will be discovered.

ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILE Unless you own a Toyota in which case you’ll just keep going until the petrol runs out.