Category: transport

They say ‘A true man opens the car door for his wife’… Maybe i shouldnt have done that while driving at 90 mph

I’m fed up of the wife wrecking the tyres on the car by doing handbrake turns. Surely after 10 years of driving she’s worked out what the steering wheel does by now.

A parachute has 2 parachutes in it. If the 1st one fails then there is a 2nd. And they say the 2nd one never fails. So why don’t they just open that 2nd one first?

Motorists are being advised not to travel in this bad weather unless absolutely necessary – well that’s ruined my plans for the day, I was going to drive 200 miles to the M25, do a couple of laps then back home.

My gran always says that in the old days she could pop down to the local shops and leave her doors open. After four dead pedestrians they took her driving licence.

I never really understood what irony was. Until I saw a female ambulance driver.

I cut up a BMW driver today. It’s ruined my bread knife though.

I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window.” He said, “We don’t have a Volkswagen Golf in the window.” I said, “You do now.”

Keep your seatbelt fastened at all times, though if we do crash, its only function will be to keep your body stationary as it burns.

Why won’t Al Qaida ever bomb a Ryanair flight? Because they want to go straight to paradise, not 30 miles away and take a taxi.

Video game enthusiasts: For a stimulating experience, cover your car windscreen and drive using just your Sat Nav

Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car, oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you. All of this of course I have taught my wife […]

Women are like traffic, if there’s a gap i will slip into it!!

I turned up late to my job interview to become a train driver for First Great Western today… They were so impressed they hired me on the spot!

If Ronnie Biggs had been a modern day train robber, he could have held up the train by putting leaves on the track.