Category: transport

My mate bought one of those smart cars today . Tell you what , i’ve been in bigger women

I’m stuck in rush hour traffic again. It’s stop-starting like Andy Parsons making a speech.

“More than 1 in every 7 cars has an illegal history”. So, 2 in 7 then?

Just landed after a 24 hour flight back from Australia. Tomorrow was a really long day.

I helped out a women driver that had broken down today. As a thank you she took her pants off and told me to take whatever I want from her. I took the car, because the pants wouldn’t have fit me.

I was taking a driving lesson today, and my instructor asked, “What should you always do on a One way street?” I said, “Look for women drivers coming down the wrong way.” He said, “Technically no, but that’s a fair point.”

I’ve just been on holiday in an Indian coastal resort. It was described in the brochure as a “Palm fringed beach”. What they meant was that it was surrounded by beggars.

I was driving along the other day and I saw a sign saying ‘Keep your eyes on the road’. I’m sat there thinking, how can I keep my eyes on the road if I’m reading the sign?

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, thats what gets you.

I saw a BMW driver indicating today! I was so shocked, I almost crashed when he pulled out on me.

TIP: convince people you’re a time traveller from the very near future by telling them you’ve never heard of Matt Cardle.

I’ve been cycling to work for a month now. You’d think I would’ve got there by now.

In an attempt to return lost luggage to travellers at Terminal 5, British Airways tested a scheme where pilots deliver the bags directly to the customer’s door. Following a delivery in Farnborough, the scheme has been cancelled.

What’s the difference between a five-year-old and a Ferrari? You leave the Ferrari OUTSIDE the garage, so everyone knows you’ve got one.

I got in a taxi last night and as usual there was Asian music blaring out the radio with a Sikh themed air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. I wouldn’t mind but the driver was a white man called Joseph.