Son: ”Dad,why did you gi …
Son: ”Dad,why did you give me a funny name?” Dad: ”Not sure what you’re talking about Lol.”
Continue ReadingSon: ”Dad,why did you give me a funny name?” Dad: ”Not sure what you’re talking about Lol.”
Continue ReadingA new stairlift was unveiled today, it can get you up the stairs so fast that when you get to the top you can still remember what you wanted to go upstairs for.
Continue ReadingAs I sat in the waiting room this morning, I noticed something rather annoying flying around my head. So I slowly rolled up a newspaper and hit it as hard as I could. Then I stamped on it, picked it up by the wing, opened the window and threw it outside. “Mr Smith?” said the […]
Continue ReadingScientists have discovered something that will stop a falling mountain climber instantly. It’s called the ground.
Continue ReadingWhat did the Scottish cannibal have for breakfast? Weetoes.
Continue ReadingWhat’s green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint.
Continue ReadingMy son just said, “Dad, I’ve just invented a designer farm animal.” I said, “Son, I’m Prada Ewe.”
Continue ReadingIt’s a terrifying statistic. 70% of young males die behind the wheel. It isn’t all laughs being a hamster.
Continue ReadingI want to make a donation to my local Homeless charity, but I don’t know where to send the money.
Continue ReadingMy first attempt at crowd surfing didn’t go well last night. The fin on the bottom of my board kept smashing into peoples faces.
Continue ReadingI like to sit in a tennis umpires chair when reading a book in the library. Just so I can be the one who shouts, “Silence.”
Continue ReadingAs I stood outside the newsagents this morning a couple of kids walked past. “Excuse me boys” I said, “If I give you the money could you go into this shop and buy me a newspaper please?” “Why can’t you?” they asked. “I’m not allowed” I said, pointing to the sign on the door that […]
Continue ReadingWhat do Polish gladiators use instead of a battleaxe? Warsaw.
Continue ReadingI tweaked out a nose hair for the first time today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy next to me on the train it looked pretty sore.
Continue ReadingI went into the library to get a book on ‘How to survive in the wild without toilet-roll’ but someone had ripped all the pages out.
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