Category: stupid

I saw a Nun dressed in a chicken outfit today. She must be in some sort of pecking order.

Just walked in from work to the kids Halloween party in full swing. I said “What’s going on here?” “Duck apple, daddy!” As a Granny Smith flew from nowhere and broke my nose.

I texted 7 of my friends saying “Call my phone.. I lost it.”. All 7 of them called.. moral of the story is, I need smarter friends.

I fell asleep in a security installation factory last night. I was alarmed when I woke up this morning.

I introduced my wife to Sickipedia today and she thought that some of the jokes were just tasteless. I told her to stop licking my screen and get back in the kitchen.

My father always told me “Son, never trust anyone.” Well, he claimed he was my father, anyway.

I stopped mid station today because I had something in my shoe. It turned out to be my foot.

My third wife is leaving me because I’m an arsonist. Oh well, that’s another relationship up in smoke.

Sorcery – Like a saucer. Sorcerer – More like a saucer.

How do you recognize an idiot inside a car wash tunnel? He rides a bike.

A man walks into a library He suffers minor cuts and bruises

dead moths make excellent hang gliders for woodlice!

It is a fact that 80% of pictures on the internet are of naked women. Which makes adding my Mum on Facebook a lot more awkward…

I thought I’d take a leaf out of Spinal Tap’s book today, and turn everything up to 11! Unfortunately the toaster overheated and my house burnt down.

I was on the train when the conductor asked to see my ticket. I said, “Sorry but I’ve lost it.” He replied, “Lost you ticket. That’s nothing but a fare-based lie.”