Category: stupid

My mum won the Irish Lottery. Now she owes them 6 million quid.

Just seen the article on BBC news:- “Dead baby found in London hotel”. I clicked on it, but the punchline was very long-winded and I didn’t really get it.

I bought a parrot a few weeks ago, but after a few weeks it died from lack of feeding. It never said it was hungry.

I never got any sleep at all last night because my wife was tossing and turning all night. It’s my own fault for putting her in the dryer.

Moths fly towards lights because they confuse them with the moon. But why do they want to fly to the moon anyway? Idiots.

My shampoo would last twice as long if I didn’t keep using it on my shoulders…

My missus waxed her legs yesterday. I must admit they look great now – it took me ages to sand them down.

I went to see a Jewish magician last night. He pulled a Rabbi out of a hat.

My neighbour was painting images of the sun all over his fences today. . . Solar panels as he calls ’em.

My girlfriend said I was overly sensitive. I nearly cried.

I’ve started going out with this girl who has the most wonderful accent. It’s a 52-plate, but it’s in perfect condition.

My wife said, “You’re living in the past” I said, “That’s not what you said yesterday”

I’ve been doing some experimenting with bread and have developed a new dough that is pitch black. I’m calling it ‘Dark Night’ dough. I’m just waiting for it to rise.

Thepigethecatons Thats put the cat amongst the pigeons

If you get arrested for stealing hay , do you automatically get bail ?