Category: stupid

Would you think less of me if I told you I was shrinking?

Everyone seems to complain about the UK weather apart from me. I live in Spain.

I sold my car in the local newspaper today. The bloke that bought it spent 3 hours unwrapping it.

Police could have been justified in using firearms against August rioters who burned buildings, police watchdog says. That dog certainly knows his stuff.

My missus says I’m sick, stupid and immoral. She’s obviously the stupid one for believing I’ll live forever.

My wife was murdered because she knew too much. If she were still alive, I’m sure next time she would think twice before agreeing to play Trivial Pursuit with the Mafia.

A man makes a complaint at a cheap hotel. “My room is swimming in water,” he says. “Does it always leak like that?” “No, sir,” the receptionist replies. “Only when it’s raining.”

BBC News: Ban on court filming to be lifted Does that mean I’ve been watching the tennis illegally on TV?

I asked this girl if she fancied going round the back of the bike sheds after school. “Yeah, sure!” she said, going red. “Should be fun” as she headed off towards them. “No it won’t” I thought, as I went home to play on my xbox.

Since it was my sons birthday at the weekend I told him I would spend some time and play Tiger Woods with him. I tried to hide him in a tree, but the tiger was unstoppable.

I’ve been accused of grooming online which is nonsense. Everyone knows dogs can’t use computers.

I was waiting at the bus stop the other day, but gave up in the end. Every time I approached someone to ask if they would like to see a menu they just looked at me like I was stupid.

My family always said to me, when I was young, that I was going to be a success in life, be funny, get a good job, great wife and a big house. Well, I proved them wrong

Read this joke by jcfc TRUE STORY If ever there is such thing as irony, it’s here. I went into one of those Arab shops that are never closed the other day and bought a Lucozade for 89p, with a tenner. The shopwoman, veiled and all, just looked me straight in the eye and said, […]

I noticed you can buy book lights now. They are little spotlights that you attach to your book. I was actually going to get one, then I remembered that I have a lamp.