Category: stupid

How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

I hate walking through revolving doors at hotels. I’m always left feeling disappointed when I emerge and I’m not dressed as a Super Hero.

My wife says I’m nothing but a bare faced liar, so I’ve grown a beard.

So bored. Tempted to turn myself in for murder I didnt commit, then plead not guilty

What has 2 legs in the morning, 27 legs in the afternoon and 58 legs in the evening? A man who has decided to collect legs.

Whilst outside a night club I overheard a bouncer saying that he would fight anybody for 200. I said, “I’ll give you a run for your money mate”. He said, “Come on then!” I said, “Okay fatty, first one to the tree wins”.

Two grains of sand in the desert, turn to each other and say, “Busy here, innit?”

I was waiting at the bus stop and put my hand out. Those counterfeit cigarettes are lethal.

I actually think the BBC iplayer is overrated, It’s just full of repeats.

I just found a dead cow in my bed. I fear there’s been a moo-der.

It was lucky that I went to see a fortune teller today. She warned me that somebody was going to swindle me. I was more than happy to pay for that kind of information.

What with the increasing number of people getting cremated I can’t help but think. The inventor of the coffin must be spinning in his grave.

Hearing people use metaphors to express their mood really rattles my cage

I’m a member of the illiterate book club. We meet once a week to judge a book by its cover.

Apparently the Flintstones had a very boring game called ‘Rock’ Back then they haven’t invented paper or scissors yet.