Category: stupid

Paddy is on the radio doing a live quiz, and the presenter asks Paddy for 100, can you tell me, who was the first woman on earth? Paddy is quiet for a couple of seconds, the he says Gimme a clue! ‘Go on then’ says the DJ ‘ Think of an apple’ Thats easy’ replies […]

A Chinese horse walked into a bar and the barman said “why the long face’ The horse said, “you must have the long eyes because this is the light face’

Just been out with my metal detector. I found bracelets, gold rings and necklaces. I could’ve stayed all night… The graveyard caretaker called the police though.

A salesman told me today that the product I was going to buy would pay for itself in six months, so I’m going to hold off until then. I’m not stupid.

I just spent two hours planning a day of spontaneity.

It was a mistake to steal a smart car. It picked me out of the police line-up and appeared as a witness for the prosecution.

Online discussions? I’m all forum.

I was looking at my wife naked the other day when I thought “why am I naked?”

My wife hates it when I sit down to have a wee. Particularly in supermarkets.

What did the octagenarian pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey

I was invited to play golf by some mates yesterday. Having never played before, they said I would need to buy a club. It’ll be the last time I play though. The shots were very awkward to play, and by the 5th, it kept sliding out my hand as the chocolate melted.

I don’t drink. Maybe that’s why I’m so thirsty all the time.

I went to a fancy dress party and saw a bloke with what looked like a rabbit hanging out of his mouth: “Nice one” I laughed, “you must be Warren.” “No mate, I’m Dave” he said, “I’ve just got a hare-lip.”

There’s me thinking I was being a good guy, donating blood. But apparently my wife’s period in a flask is unacceptable.

The driving instructor said “I’d like you to put your foot down.” “But its a 30mph zone…” I queried. “I’m referring to the foot hanging out of the window,” he replied.