Category: stupid

What do you call a Mexican guy who’s lost his car? Carlos.

The desert is the most peaceful place in the planet. Because there’s xerophytes.

I saw my elderly neighbours cat stuck up a tree earlier, so I called the fire brigade immediately. When they arrived, I asked them to help get my obese wife out of the house so she could shake it down.

BT has admitted to leaking thousands of customers details. It’s not the first time; every year they leak the names, addresses and phone numbers of everyone in my town and post it to me in a big book. Idiots.

You know, I’m beginning to think that the Wu-Tang Clan aren’t even Scottish after all.

One of my mates thought it would be a hilarious prank to make ice lollies out of anti-freeze. His plan failed for some reason….

I don’t believe i can die, i mean its never happened to me before…

Did you hear about the fashion designer who died in a changing room? It was a fitting end.

“Waiter! This sparkling wine doesn’t sparkle!” “That’s fine. The dog biscuits you’re eating don’t bark either.”

Road wars: “And in East London, police continue to search for the red scooter theif.” Surely he can’t be that hard to find if he’s red?

I just couldn’t understand why my farmhouse kept getting burgled. Then I realised was leaving the cow flap open.

I’ve just bought myself a magic wand. All I have to do is tap it and my housework will be done. Bang Tidy.

How can you spot a Man City fan after the Euro 2012 campaign? They’re the ones with Italian flags on their cars.

“I hate racial stereotyping. All black men aren’t thieves. All Polish aren’t lazy. All Americans are not fat and stupid.” I shouted to Lee, the Chinese ninja who works in my office.

I gave my ginger mate an antique coin for his birthday today. He said, “What’s that for?” I said, “Flip It and it will give you a 50/50 chance of getting head.”