Category: stupid

I love girls in short skirts. Weirdly though, less so when I’m wearing trousers.

I picked up a girl in the pub last night.. She had no legs

My wife wants to leave me for being too forgetful. Next time she’ll probably say I’m forgetful.

If you can’t blame a guy for trying, why are people arrested for attempted murder?

I sneaked into the cinema last night without paying. I sat there in the dark for eight hours before they finally showed a film this morning.

How do you make a vegetarian chilli? Steal his coat.

Actual Questions Asked Of Telephone Information Operators: C= Caller and O = Operator. —————————— C: I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. O: I’m sorry, there’s no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct? C: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the […]

“Excuse me, any ideas as to what I do with this helmet?” “Sorry I don’t, the entire concept goes over my head.”

My wife is leaving me because I’m too gullible… She won’t be laughing when I become a male escort.

Breaking news- A man has been found dead under a truck carrying Chic peas, lemons and garlic bulbs. Police are treating it as a Hummuscide.

Just joined the re-incarnation society… cost me 500 like but who cares, you only live once.

I walked into an outdoor hunting and camping store earlier and asked for a black windbreaker. They said I was in luck, Leroy just had beans for his lunch.

I wrote a book on the Domestic Owl. It just flew off the shelves.

Bloke down our rubbish tip boasts he can kill a man with one finger. I think he must dip it in their tea when they’re not looking.

Whatever you do, don’t try to rob a pet shop if you’ve got a cold. I tried it today and I only managed to come away with a rabbit. I ran inside and shouted, ‘Give me your bunny!!’