Actual Questions Asked Of Telephone Information Operators:
C= Caller and O = Operator.
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C: I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
O: I’m sorry, there’s no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct?
C: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
C: I’d like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.
O: I can’t find a town called ‘Woven’? Are you sure?
C: Yes. That’s what it says on the label – Woven in Scotland.
C: I’d like the RSPCA please.
O: Where are you calling from?
C: The living room.
C: The water board please.
O: Which department?
C: Tap water.
O: How are you spelling that?
C: With letters.
C: I’d like the number for a Reverend in Cardiff, please.
O: Do you have his name?
C: No, but he has a dog named Ben.
C: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
O: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
C: Er, yes.
On one occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator:
“I haven’t got a pen so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.”