Category: stupid

What’s the point of doors that have signs on them saying “Please keep closed at all times” Doesn’t that technically make it a wall?

When I was traveling in Texas, I met a real cowboy. “Hi.” I said, “I’m from England. I’ve never met a cowboy before.” “Moo.” he replied.

I was going to work on my tractor this morning when I suddenly thought to myself, “Surely the bus would’ve been quicker”.

A student was asked in an exam- what Is the half of 8? He wrote- it depends whether you divide it vertically or horizontally. If you divide it vertically it is 3, but if you divide it horizontally it is 0.

My daughter is obsessed with Walt Disney movies so I bought her 101 Dalmations. Now I just need to find somewhere to keep them all.

Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

I was performing stand up for everybody at the O2 in London yesterday, when the manager came over and said, “Excuse me sir, this is a phone shop, not a comedy club.”

I went to the hospital this morning. The nurse said, “It’s your liver, it’s related to cider.” I said, “Yeah, brothers.”

Gunpowder and Wood …………… the perfect match!

I went to a restaurant last night. 15 eat whatever you want. I ate 4 chair covers, 3 tropical fish and a placemat.

Ever wonder why abbv. is such a lo- oh, never mind…

My mate’s formed an ‘unnatural’ relationship with a 24ct JCB. I’ve warned him, but he won’t listen. He can’t see he’s with a Gold digger.

Top Tip; Moths dipped in lighter fuel and put in a room with suspended candles, makes an inexpensive yet effective indoor firework display.

I was talking to a woman in the pub last night when we suddenly got onto the subject of kids taking drugs. “It’s disgusting” I said. “Look at the young lad sitting down at the table next to us” I whispered,”He doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. His eyes are all over the place, […]

I regularly use mousse to style my hair. The big pile of leftover antlers is becoming a problem, though.