Category: stupid

BBC NEWS: Scientists’ research into Brecon Park’s elligibility as a ‘Dark Night Sky’ park could take 1 or 2 years. Now I’m no astronomer, but I reckon I could beat them to it.

I was having a conversation with the window cleaner today when my wife said, “Its not normal to talk to a bottle of cillit bang.”

I once dated a liar. She adored me.

I accidently mixed my drinks last night. Now my decks are ruined.

The Marlboro Man was cut from The Avengers after just a single issue when the creators realised that crippling lung cancer wasn’t actually much of a superpower.

I remember at school when I spilled some sawdust. The Janitor had to come along and be sick on it.

I went for a job interview for MI5, “So what experience have you got sir?” The agent asked me, “Well, erm, I completed Call of Duty in six hours…” I replied, “Right ok sir, let me put you in a scenario, you’re a double agent about to be shot by a terrorist. What would you […]

My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And my neighbour across the road has an orange octagonal house… I live in a Quality Street.

I was out for a walk today and, coming round a corner, came across this really weird scene. Coming one way across the crossroads was a bus… but stationary, like it was frozen in time. Same with a car travelling the other way. Frozen in time. Then, between the two was this woman pushing a […]

True story I was unlucky enough to be grouped with a middle-aged American man whilst on London’s Jack the Ripper tour. We were just crossing a road when he turned to me and asked me why the traffic lights rattled. I told him it was to let blind people when they changed. He looked confused […]

My missus said, “The hot water’s cold.” So it’s cold water then?

My ex has way too much influence over our kids. I can’t wait until they’re old enough to hate me for their own reasons.

BBC News: Red Arrows grounded after crash. Well, duh.

I can’t believe my mate Paddy didn’t get caught robbing that bank yesterday. Surely someone must have seen him driving the forklift down the motorway with a small building on it.

I flirted with danger this morning. I winked at an open manhole.