Category: stupid

‘Nikon watches are truly timeless’ Doesn’t that defeat the object of a watch?

The Sun: ‘Elton John Bounces Baby Boy On His Knee’. That’s a bit cruel……I bet the baby has got a sore knee now.

I was sitting in the bus when an old lady got on. “Would you give me your seat, young man”, she asked me. “Well, I’m afraid it’s attached to the floor”, I said.

I went to my local market today and saw a sign that said: “ONE WATERMELON FOR 3 OR THREE FOR 10” Instead of telling the guy behind the stall how stupid he was I decided to show him. So I walked up to him and asked: “Can I buy a watermelon please?” “Yes sir, that’ll […]

My daughter came home in floods of tears a few days ago. “Daddy, Daddy, I’m stuck on my homework!” It was mathematics- addition, to be precise. So, being a good parent, I painstakingly explained it to her, in detail, until she got the picture. The next day, she came home crying again. “Daddy, daddy, I’m […]

If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

I thought my bouncy castle was giving birth earlier, then I realised it was the wife coming down the slide.

I was at a restaurant tonight and I thought I saw a family praying at the table. It turned out they were only texting.

I like to go to beaches early in the morning and bury metal items with ‘Get a life!’ written on them.

How do you find a Foxhole ?? Lift its Tail Up…

If I was the guy who packed away the parachutes for skydives, I’d be tempted to replace one with a can of Red Bull.

What’s red and and sits on a wall at the butchers? . . . Humpty the Mince!

Can’t say I’m surprised by Chelsea bidding for Battersea. Roman Abramovich has always said he wanted a European powerhouse!

I’m thinking about making a show like Cash Cab called Cats Cab, where people get into a taxi and a cat is driving and all of these flashing lights go off, but instead of answering questions everyone dies because cats can’t drive.

I sold my gullible mate a cordless screwdriver, or screwdriver as it’s more commonly known.