Category: stupid

I was on a really awkward date the other night so I decided to break the ice, then swim to safety.

My mate said that I should use turtle wax to polish my car. But with the amount of turtle’s ears you have to clean to get enough wax it’s hardly worth it.

As I was holding my son in my arms for the first time, the missus asked, “How does it feel?” “Well, I’m guessing With it’s hands like us.” I replied.

They say the imagination is unlimited? Describe to me a completely new colour….

I had to laugh earlier. I was inhaling nitrous oxide.

Yahoo;’Flamingo chase shuts runway.’ Apparently her brother Chevy put her up to it.

Save on unnecessary laundry by simply attaching a strip of Gaffer Tape to the gusset area of your favourite undies every couple of days as a handy skid catcher.

My mate spends all his time in the garden and really has green fingers! He’s a frog.

What’s the difference between this joke and the holocaust? The pope doesn’t find this joke funny.

I’d hate to be in my father’s shoes right now. He’s already wearing them, so it’d be uncomfortable.

Self service check outs. For teenagers who are afraid to buy condoms from a real person.

What do we want? A ban on this style of joke. When do we want it? After this one.

I brought some new towels and the lady in the shop told me to wash my brand new towels in a cup of salt and cold water. As hard as I try the bath towel just wont fit in the cup. Stupid shop woman.

I recently bought a hen, but every time I touch it I get an electric shock. I think it’s from a battery farm.

I got my son a Darth Vader helmet for Christmas but forgot to buy batteries. No problem as I had a 40 foot extension cable under the stairs. Can’t wait to see his little face light up.