Category: stupid

What is six inches tall and goes ‘buzz buzz buzz’? Mrs. Lightyear.

Those yellow post-it notes are just useless. Everytime I post one it gets stuck to another letter and sent to the wrong address.

My mum always told me to alert authorities if a stranger ever offers me a lift. The local police officers and bus drivers hate me.

A Red Cell and a White Cell are walking through Greater Manchester, when they come to a set of stairs. The White Cell doesn’t notice them, slips and tumbles to the bottom. He gets up, slightly dazed and stumbles around before falling back down to the ground. The Red Cell shouts down to him, “Are […]

I was arrested for being drunk and disorderly last night. As they put me into the cells, I started to kick off. “I’m allowed a free call. I want my call.” I slurred. “Quiet you.” called the duty sergeant. “All in good time.” “I know my rights, I want my call. You can’t stop me.” […]

BBC news: siamese twins killed by hit and run. You’d think they’d have looked both ways before crossing?

I’d jokingly told my wife that I wanted a Lamborghini for my birthday. When I got back from work on the big day, all I could smell was Indian food. “I couldn’t find a Lamb Borghini”, she said,”… so I hope a Lamb Bhuna is OK..”

If Winston Churchill was still alive today to see what our government has done to this country, he’d be in the Guinness book of records for being 136!

I went to church today for the first time and they seemed desperate for me to stay… As I was leaving someone handed me a plate of money.

I’m beginning to think my imaginary girlfriend is cheating on me. She says it’s all in my head.

As I approached the airport check in desk with my wife, I started to get very nervous and sweaty. If I was going to get out of this country, I was going to have to lie my socks off. The woman at the desk could see my discomfort. “Excuse me sir. Did you pack your […]

Kids, did you know if you run into a wall fast enough, you go back in time?

My mate has just got a job as a lifeguard at the local swimming baths. I love having friends in high places.

Stupid morons arresting me for the sign saying, ‘No Flash Photography’. They didn’t even want to listen that I was just stood still. I’d normally do a star jump, forward roll and take the photo with the camera behind my back.

I tried to take a photo of myself dressed up in a Tyrannosaurus Rex costume. It was useless. The shot kept coming out of just my chin.