The ICC have issued an ar …
The ICC have issued an arrest warrant for Col. Gaddafi. This is in response to a rebel, who when asked by a reporter for his response to Gaddafi’s latest attacks, replied, “It just isn’t cricket”.
Continue ReadingThe ICC have issued an arrest warrant for Col. Gaddafi. This is in response to a rebel, who when asked by a reporter for his response to Gaddafi’s latest attacks, replied, “It just isn’t cricket”.
Continue ReadingMy maths exam had the most bizarre thing in it, it said: “The following number is even… 5.” I thought, “That’s odd.”
Continue ReadingI asked a girl back to mine last night for a bit of “How’s your father”, if you know what I mean. Turns out he’s very well, and his allotment is thriving in this weather.
Continue Reading“Please don’t take this the wrong way” said the wife as she removed the enema from my mouth.
Continue ReadingA huge shark knocked on the door of my castle. “You’re going to need a bigger moat.” He said.
Continue ReadingIf I could be invisible for a day, I would just sit in my house. So I could see what it’s like when I’m not there.
Continue ReadingMy wife said I’m an idiot who can’t do the simplest of things right. So I packed her bags and left.
Continue ReadingIs nothing safe from criticism?! Even burnt wood is under fire.
Continue ReadingTop tip of the year so far. Apparently it’s still mount Everest.
Continue ReadingHaving watched a lot of films set in Victorian London I couldn’t help thinking that it would have been a much cheerier place if opium dens had been replaced by helium dens.
Continue ReadingMy wife said “Why can’t you ever accept responsibility?” I replied ” It’s not my fault I’m like that”.
Continue ReadingI’ve been feeding my chickens sausages and breadcrumbs for the last few days. I can’t wait until they start laying scotch eggs.
Continue ReadingI auditioned for the X- Factor this year and sang with my daughter. Gary Barlow looked at me and said, “Are you having a laugh?” I said, “No mate, why?” He said, “Just put the baby down and use the microphone provided.”
Continue ReadingI done a stand up gig in Bradford last night. I said, “Before I tell some seriously racist jokes, are there any white people here tonight?”
Continue ReadingOld people: Make your neighbours think you have died during the big freeze by not answering your door and leaving your decorations up until March.
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