Category: shopping

I’ve heard that supermarkets waft bakery smells around the store to subconsciously encourage customers to buy bread. I can only conclude that my local Lidl supermarket is trying to encourage its customers to buy toilet rolls!

To compensate for a staff shortage, Tesco now has an increased amount of disabled employees. Every cripple helps!

What do you get when you cross a scanner with a barcode? Beep.

I was supposed to pick up one of those memory foam pillows while I was out shopping today, but I forgot.

100 people surveyed said they all prefered fresh food to tinned the coincidence was uncanny

Ikea’s new phrase is ‘You dream it, we build it’. They are clearly relying on my dreams mostly being about cheap cupboards.

In Tesco tonight my shopping was bagged up by a family of talking mice. They’re right – every Little helps.

Idea for world exclusive shop. The only shop in the world that sells packs of 8 hot dogs AND a pack of 8 buns.

You know your getting old when you buy a cereal for it’s fibre content and not the free toy

I bought a suppository from Ikea. I had to put it up myself.

While queuing at the checkout in Tesco’s today, I had plenty of time to admire their 8 ‘show purposes only’ checkouts.

IKEA has parking spots close to the door labelled “HYBRID CARS PARKING ONLY”. I’m glad they admit people who drive a Prius are essentially handicapped.

Not even one word of apology from the burka-wearing muslim that clipped my ankle with a supermarket trolley. So when she wasn’t looking, I stuck some pork chops in with her shopping. Wish I could have seen her face at the checkout.

I was walking down the street today and an Iceland van drove past and on the side was writen ‘Iceland Delivers straight to your door! That’s why mum’s go to Iceland!’ So these mum’s are going all the way to Iceland just to get them to deliver it to their door?

I kept forgetting my pin today. No wonder the grenades didn’t explode.