Category: shopping

I applied for a job at my local ’99p Store’ and was pleased to get a telephone interview. “Can you confirm you are a full British Citizen?” the interviewer asked. “I am indeed, have been since I was born” I replied. “I’m sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for”

Sainsburys: Half price joints this festive period! I’m not sure when they legalized it but I am going to get so stoned this Christmas.

Just reading the reprint of the first ever news of the world from 1843 and have to say the news is very different than today’s current affairs. However i did notice the same old adverts. DFS sale starts today

I’ve invested in the IKEA franchise and bought my own store. The bricks are being delivered tomorrow.

45 cans for 20, that’s why dad’s go to Tesco.

I ordered a load of bubble wrap off eBay today. Just to see what it gets delivered in.

If I had a pound for every useless household item or out of date food product I managed to sell to poor people, I could open up a branch of high street stores with an unimaginative name.

Argos. It’s like an offline version of internet shopping.

Every supermarket you go into now has a self-service checkout with a member of staff helping people use it.

A man goes into a pet shop and sees a talking dog. After chatting to it for ten minutes he buys it. Later he goes into a pub and says, ‘I bet everyone fifty bucks that this dog can talk.’ A few people take the bet, but the dog remains silent and the man is […]

I like my women how i like my clothes shop dummies. Decapitated.

The local supermarket has a “buy two get two free” offer on pregnancy tests (yes, really, just for those girls who think they’ll need 4 kits in the near future). And a special offer on wine by the case. Coincidence? Tesco: proudly serving the nation’s slappers since 1919.

Well thanks a lot for the suggestions guys… My wife suggested we look on Amazon for xmas pressies, only to see that it had stored the last items I viewed…. a balaclava, gaffa tape and a turkey baster!

Last year another 300,000 families fell below the poverty line. This has prompted the opening of a further 45 Lidls across the UK.

Shops: Instantly de-value your business by adding the letters “4U” in your shop name