Category: shopping

My wife was ill so I had to do the shopping for the first time ever. She said, “You’ll need a shopping trolley. They’re outside by the entrance. You have to put a pound in to release them.” I went to the entrance, put my pound in, and pushed it into the store. I got […]

Sky news – ‘Victims family release CCTV of fatal attack’ It’s available now on Amazon, 4.99.

I got into an argument with this thug in the pub. Anyway, I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, “I know where you live.” I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn’t true.

Cash4Gold just sent me 350 for a lump of iron pyrite. Fools.

I went shopping today hoping to update my look. The sales girl informed me that combat chic was the latest thing, pointing to a mannequin that was sporting the current fashion. The boots are cute, I thought, but I just can’t see myself in camouflage.

I walked into a shop this morning and the sign clearly stated ‘Open’. Yet, on the way out, it said ‘Closed’. Weird. Half an hour I stood there unsure of what to do, before I was led away by some kind people.

“Stationary shop moves”…..

Due to my constant speeding, tailgating, shunting, violent outbursts and running the occasional child over. My wife has insisted that she pushes the trolley next time we go to the supermarket.

Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier.

I was in Dorothy Perkins with the wife earlier. Always wanted to try a threesome.

Recently, I came in to some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?

Never go to a barber that is next door to a busy hat shop

Dfs – selling more seats than the House of Lords!

Just done my shopping in Waitrose…. Even the trolleys take a 2 coin

BBC News: Civilians die in Kashmir violence. It’s amazing what some people will do for a nice sweater…