Category: school

At school they call me the whizz kid. But then again that’s only cause I wet myself in the GCSE maths exam.

The human brain is amazing……. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams

According to the new school curriculum, children from the age of five will be expected to learn and recite poetry. We always read poetry at my school anyway. It’s just most of it was written in the school toilets.

When I found two generous E’s in my exam results today, I was a bit disappointed, but once I took them, my results were looking a lot better.

” I’ve got an ‘A’ for my essay.” “Great news son! I’m proud of you.” “I haven’t handed it in yet. Any other letters I could add?”

I’m too cool for school… Too old as well according to the police…

so its GCSE results day today and if i do as well as im expecting then the only letters ill be seeing is A and E

I’m not actually sure which is worse. On my application form for Hull university to study psychology, where it asked why I wanted to study psychology, I put as a joke, “To get inside a girl’s head, so I can get inside their pants”. Or the fact that they accepted me and gave me books […]

I joined the debating society at school the other day. Clearly misunderstood what my teacher meant when he said we would have a maths-debate…

Those who can. Can. Those who can’t. Teach. Those who can’t teach. Teach PE.

Whilst getting my hair cut, i was chatting to the hairdresser who was quite good looking. Everything was going great and I thought I had a shot so I built up the courage to ask her the necessary question: “So, no GCSE’s then?”

Geometry is just plane fun!

Sacked from my job as a primary school teacher, apparently adding a wet t-shirt contest to the school sports day was not acceptable..

Osama Bin Laden and I have a lot in common. Neither one of us has done my history homework.

I got all Bs and Cs at school. It wasn’t until I was a bit older that I moved onto harder drugs.