Category: school

Teacher: “Imagine you are in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do?” Boy:” Easy, stop imagining.”

I had a very important role at school. I was a day boy. Or at least I think that’s what they were shouting.

The only person who can get better results in my exams than me is Mark Scheme.

I was always warned as a kid not to blow my own trumpet However it was that mentality that caused my exclusion from the school orchestra

During lunch break at school once, I took a cricket ball to the head. He said, “What have you brought me this for?”

I am moving to a new school and I know the other kids do “mum” jokes I don’t know how they are going to make fun of me though I have two dads

I went back to my old school today. It was the first time in twenty years. I went back for the funeral of my old Science teacher, and they asked me to say a few words so I did, Method : We put the coffin in the crematorium. Observations : It burned with an orangey […]

I’ve just failed my course on ‘overcoming self doubt’. I knew I would.

I was doing a chemistry paper today and the question was “Why is NH3 important to humanity” Apparently “to serve Mein Fuher and rid the world of Jews” i not on the mark scheme

Just seen an ipod game called ‘Surviving High School’. I was well disappointed to find out it wasn’t a first-person-shooter.

A lot of the people I went to high school with are getting married and having kids. A lot of the people I went to high school with are idiots.

My son started secondary school today, but he was worried when he heard the older kids flush the new starters heads down the toilet. I said, “Don’t take any notice son, that doesn’t happen any more.” “Are you sure” he replied, “because I don’t want it to happen to me.” “Yes I’m sure son, They […]

Just got back from my son’s school nativity play. Turns out that whilst polite applause is acceptable, wolf-whistling most definitely isn’t.

What have school teachers and paedophiles got in common? It’s not very cool to admit it, but all kids try hard to be their favourite.

I’ve just sat through a lecture on ‘how obesity affects constipation’. It was heavy going.