Category: school

I was sat in my Economics lesson today, where discussion was all about complimentary goods. A call from one side heard “Shampoo and Conditioner”, “Crackers and Cheese” from another, but apparently “Vaseline and tissues” isn’t a suitable answer.

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here please? Student: Yes Sir, I am paying as little attention as i can.

I love going to the local primary school and watching the kids running and screaming. That chainsaw was the best Christmas present ever.

There was a time I couldn’t even spell the word “teacher”. Now I is one.

I walked past Macdonalds earlier today and there was a queue from the managers office all the way up the high street….. It must be A Level results week.

I managed to write half a page about a family member earlier. Pa.

I was always better at Geography than Maths. When asked “what is long division?” I answered “The Berlin Wall”.

Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say yes thank you because drugs are expensive these days. Petrol is expensive as well, so if they offer you a lift anywhere, get in the car and enjoy the freebie.

Back when I was at school I almost joined the debating team. But someone talked me out of it.

My teacher asked me, “Do you think exams are getting easier?” I said, “Well, looking at the results over the last 20 years, I’d have to say yes.” He said, “Well done. That’s an ‘A’.”

At school, many people ask me why I’m so quiet all the time. Well, you can’t really plan a killing spree out loud.

I failed all my AS exams last summer, In exams I can’t stop myself from doing origami. My girlfriend says its because I fold under pressure.

I struggled with my maths exam today. The question asked “What is the area of the triangle with base ad and height b?” I just remember thinking “This isn’t half bad”.

How did the pen get across the river? Biro’ing

I was called in to my son’s school the other day. The teacher showed me the graffiti he’d scrawled on another kid’s jotter: “Ranjeev is a Paki and he stinks”. I was furious. “This is disgusting!”, I shouted, “I won’t allow any child of mine to write such things!”. So I took him home, sat […]