Category: sayings

Who’s Billy and why does he have no mates?

I was with a very beautiful woman last night and you know the old saying “Beauty is only skin deep”? Well it’s true. Because once I’d broken into the chest cavity, things started to look pretty messy after that.

Why do hedgehogs curl up in a ball? Because that’s just the way they roll.

People say that what you put in is what you get out. These people have obviously never seen the movie Teeth.

I’ve just started going out with some anorexic twins, two birds one stone

The first rule of Animal Abusers Club is: you do not let the cat out of the bag.

“I’d love to smash your back doors in” i said to my new neighbour as she was moving her stuff in. she went quiet and blushed as I checked how much her TV would fetch on my new Ebay app

”We’ve been in this meeting for 24 hours straight.” ”Let’s call it a day.”

For the first half of your life, women tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.

BBC News: Large fire destroys Hampshire Tesco store. I went to help the fire service out and threw a cup of water on the fire. Every little helps.

I’m not one to blow my own trumpet. Mainly because my ex-wife took it when we got divorced.

My mate tried to give me a high-five while on the monkey bars today. I left him hanging

My wife just helped me put up our new marque in the garden. “It’s as safe as houses.” She said. “In London.” I replied.

My grandfather must be turning in his grave. Because I buried him alive.

All that glitters is not gold. A good example of this is glitter.