Category: sayings

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who talk while I’m interrupting

If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, you’re probably drinking too slowly.

This Sunday the clocks go forward for the start of British Summertime. Now we’re just waiting in the Meantime.

How does the rabbit get inside the headlight in the first place?!

I’m gutted that the internet completely destroyed some of my childhood’s urban myths. When was the last time someone told you not to swallow chewing gum because it would take seven years to digest?

I just smashed my geography teachers antique globe and she started crying. Apparently, it was her whole world.

I confidently walked up to a girl at the bar and introduced myself. She looked me in the eyes and said, “I think you’re the one.” “Well how about we see how tonight goes first,” I replied. “No, you’re definitely the one. It was five years ago and I was walking through the park late […]

Me and my sister were having an argument this morning in the kitchen. Our mom walked in and said: “Looks like you guys woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” How does she know what me and my sister did last night?

My friend said to me “Our modern society is full of people from all walks of life” “What about the paraplegics?” I replied.

You can be in the copper team or the aluminium team, but there is no iron team.

My wife left me because I was always running away from my problems. Or “abandoning our children” as she put it.

They say, “Crime doesn’t pay.” Well, I work in Cash Converters and apparently it does.

They say that time heals all wounds. Well, I just dug up my grandad and he is still very much dead.