Category: sayings

I’ll get your coat, you’ve pulled a gentleman.

I went to a zoo recently and was horrified that the creatures on show were treated no better than animals

After my trip to Spain I can safely say I’m now a member of the mile high club. On a short trip from one town to another, I hot boxed the tram.

Muslim life is like a bowl of cherries. Pop them, then stone them. Ayatollah.

My girlfriend of two years dumped me yesterday, said I had too many paranoias and it was strangling the relationship, I was all too often scared to go to the shop and perform menial tasks. My mate tried to console me, told me there were plenty more fish in the sea. No good to me, […]

Where does the bad light end up?

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but my hand on your birds bush is worth two black eyes.

When God closes a door, he opens a window, which explains how the robbers gained entry.

I’ve just asked the wife what she wants for her birthday tomorrow and she replied, “To not have any more birthdays!” Her present’s going to be murder!

The hand is quicker than the eye. Unfortunately, the CCTV camera at my nearest primary school’s gates is quicker than both.

I think this girl at work has a thing for me. A restraining order.

Postmen always go that extra mile. Which explains why the mail never arrives on time.

If you’re having trouble at sea and need the coast guard its best not to mention you tried calling the AA before them. They haven’t quite got over that slogan.

I’ve certainly got my eye on the ball… Last time I go to an orgy in a telephone box.

I like to put thumb tacks on the heels of my wife’s shoes. Just to keep her on her toes.