Category: sayings

You know the old saying, ‘You break it, you buy it’? What if it’s in the alcohol section and you’re underage?

I’ve been accused of being ‘all mouth, no trousers’. Well, the actual charges are for ‘causing a disturbance & indecent exposure on a bus’.

I’ve had to stop free entry to my club for people with crabs… They were just itching to get in.

My mum always said, “Go to school on an egg.” I don’t know why she just didn’t buy me a bike.

When horses get really hungry do they try and keep their distance from each other?

Better the devil you know than the devil who makes you guess his name.

I don’t get along with my colleagues at simultaneous reading club. We’re just not on the same page.

give a man a fish and he will eat for a day give a man my wife for the night and he will smell like one forever

I firmly believe in the saying – ‘girls spit, women swallow.’ Therefore, if they’re under 16 and swallow, does that clear me of paedophilia?

I have just taken a leaf out of my dads book… Quite funny ’cause I think he was using it to remember his page.

I’m thinking of taking my relationship with my girlfriend to the next level. You know, ‘tying the knot’. I’m just not sure if we’re ready for S&M yet, though.

My Sister said to me, “Blood is thicker than water”. I think she severely underestimates the problems I have with limescale.

Two hippy girls talking and one asks “Have you ever gone cold turkey?” The other one replies, “No, but once I got desperate and used a chicken leg”

‘A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.’ Well I’m missing one so how will this play out…

My wife hasn’t said a word since getting attacked at the zoo. I think the cat must have her tongue.