I’m so pessimistic I don’ …
I’m so pessimistic I don’t even have a cup.
Continue ReadingI’m so pessimistic I don’t even have a cup.
Continue ReadingMy local barber is claiming social security while running his business. Is that what they call fringe benefits?
Continue ReadingThe man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Continue ReadingI just got kicked where the sun don’t shine. Last time i ever go on Holiday to Iceland in winter.
Continue Reading“Out of small acorns grow mighty oaks” I must have the bonsai variety
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between Tango and Rohypnol? You know when you’ve been Tangoed.
Continue ReadingI landed myself in hot water with the fit blonde from next door. Unfortunately, it was when I slipped while peeping through her bathroom skylight.
Continue ReadingIt was a customer who said “The customer is always right”. This is easily deduced from the fact it’s wrong.
Continue ReadingToday I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right. Tomorrow I’m going to try three.
Continue ReadingNow I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake will someone please delete my internet browser history.
Continue ReadingPaddy’s comparisons of women to men on Take me Out: ‘let the banana see the split’ ‘let the doctor see the patient’ More like let the jam see the tarts.
Continue ReadingGive a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish – problem solved.
Continue ReadingLive each day like it’s your last… Eventually you’ll get it right.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been watching my neighbour spend hours meticulously gluing Bubble wrap to his dinghy. Well, whatever floats your boat.
Continue ReadingThey say savour the small things in life. Could someone tell my wife that?
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