Category: sayings

I’ve just taken a trip down memory lane. Bad idea. I’m now off my head on acid in a street I don’t know.

Let me make this perfectly clear. T H I S.

“Hold your horses” Because even horses need a little love.

I knew when I was labelled the ‘black sheep of the family’ that I was destined for a life of crime.

`Opposites attract. Like magnets,’ says the wife. Then why has the north pole gone as far as it possibly can to get away from the south pole.

I saw a man get shot today and couldn’t help but think that it could have been me. If I was Chinese and messed up getting a gold medal.

They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch. I disagree. I’ve just seen the security guard go to lunch and I walked out of Boots with a meal deal under my jacket.

I went into HMV and bought a DVD of the film “Happiness” Just to prove a point.

After a day in the sun, sea and sand with my wife, it ended in the best way possible. She drowned.

Women around the world are waking up to the dangers of Rohypnol.

Combine Harvesters. Separating the wheat from the chaff.

My death metal band ‘Abuk’ got sued the other day. Apparently you have to pay royalties when you record a version of a copyrighted song. In my defence, i told the court not to judge Abuk by its cover.

My mum always told me “You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family”. “Especially out of police line-ups”.

Once you go black you never go back… No, seriously: if you go to a black man’s house, you’re never getting out.

There’s two sides to every story. MINE… and the truth.