Category: sayings

Dogs are for life not just for Christmas..? Someone should have told Peter Andre

i’m in a long distance relationship, shes still on her way from Thailand

dispite many threats when I was younger, I never did have my woe tied.

Wagon wheels aren’t getting smaller, it’s just that people have got bigger. Namely my wife. I blame Wagon wheels.

I’ve called my dog ‘Macduff’. So when I’m about to take him for a walk, I can say “Lead on Macduff.” I also collect stamps and live with my mum.

Went to Mars on holiday last week and painted the town red. Couldn’t find it again after that.

I just heard a voice shout, “Black.” In my kitchen. I ran in with my baseball bat, but it was just the pot calling the kettle.

You can avoid almost any profession if you know which fruit to use. A lychee a day, for example, keeps the plumber away.

I found it hard following my father’s footsteps. He’s got really big prints and my wheel chair keeps getting stuck in the mud.

For those people who say “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”. See a Doctor, you’ll live longer.

My wife has left me because I keep getting my phrases mixed up. Oh well plenty more fish out of water.

No-one believes that I’ve got a tart made from a rapper in D12. Well, the Proof is in the pudding…

I’ve started working for a company that produces Punch and Judy shows. I made a few suggestions to modernise the show, using new technology and cgi, Unfortunately the boss likes to pull all the strings.

I ate cheese in my dream last night. Now I’m having a nightmare day.

If I had a pound every time I needed a pound, I’d never need a pound.