Category: sarcasm

When an American mates with an Ethiopian the babies come out thick and fast

Sarcasm: When life gives you lemons, squeeze them into life’s eyes, while smiling.

My mate called in for a beer earlier .We talked about going to the gym.I said physical fitness is a little weakness of mine.My wife popped her head around the door ,and said don’t forget to tell your mate about your other little weakness!

Single? Buy a ship, call it “relation”. Then you’ll have a relationship.

George W Bush has said in his memoirs that Kanye West accusing him of being racist after hurricane Katrina was his worst moment as president of America. I’m sure that was awful for you George, Just thank god nothing worse than that happened, like for example terrorists flying planes into buildings killing thousands, that would […]

I don’t buy sure as the adverts sound too sarcastic.

There are three guarantees in life. Birth. Death. England not being able to win a penalty shootout in a major tournament in the quarter finals or beyond.

Semicolons should be banned; no-one knows when to use them anyway.

I could look at you all day but the zoo shuts at 6pm.

Tesco: ‘Try Our New Handmade Sandwiches Today’. As opposed to the other sandwiches which they made with their feet.

My Dad was just telling me that when he retires, he wants to go somewhere hot that gets loads of sunshine. So I suggested Mercury.

It’s lucky I checked my facebook, I was just about to go outside in my vest & pants,

My wife forced me to watch the final of Britain’s Got Talent in which Spelbound won. If I wanted to watch Tango’d, waxed six-packs throw themselves around the floor for no good reason, I would watch Cristiano Ronaldo in the World Cup

My wife asked me ”What do you fancy doing tonight?”. I replied ”Honestly, Jessica Alba, but I guess I’m stuck with you!”.

My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because whenever we talk I use vocabulary she doesn’t understand and I’m very sarcastic. I said, “I’m not sarcastic, I’m facetious.”