Category: sarcasm

I walked into the shop I asked, “Have you got a pint of milk please, love?” “In the carton?” She asked. I said, “No,no, just tip it in my hands.”

Officer: Do You know why I pulled you over? Me: I let you.

People. Save time and money by doing things quicker and spending less.

France declared war on al Qaida yesterday. Thank God, for someone needed to teach the terrorists how to surrender.

So apparently teachers can tell which kids are going to be troublemakers just by looking at their name. So can I. Whenever I see Mohammed, Abdul, and Amir, for example, I can tell they aren’t gonna be angels.

I’ve recently opened a small chain of supermarkets and I really want to get a celebrity chef to endorse it. I’m just worried that I won’t be able to find one willing to destroy their credibility by being in a cheap advert, just for the money.

I think whoever works at the marketing teams for cigarettes needs to be told that “Smoking Kills” is the worst slogan I’ve seen in years.

picking up paper with scissors, thats something they wont teach you in physics.

Unfortunately, there is no “I” in the word “Ego”.

I see that a new “scientific report” is informing us that there’s a new type of fat we need to be aware of the dangers of. Apparently, most people have never heard of it, don’t know it’s there, and you can’t see or feel it. This report has been produced by GlaxoSmithKline, who, quite coincidentally, […]

Apparently a fifth of disabled adults say the paralympics are patronising. Ah bless.

Walkers crisps. What’s next? Runners doughnuts?

“Good things come to those who wait” Unless what you’re waiting for, is customer service.

Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.

My wife said to me ” I love you more than words can say” “Im sure words-can-say is devasted” I muttered back…