Category: sarcasm

My wife’s constantly making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline. It’s starting to wear a little thin.

Can’t decide whether to have children or get a dog. It’s a choice between wrecked furniture, or my future.

Fallen soldier ‘was a giant among men.’ read a news report. We now have to send oversized squaddies, so U.S. Delta Force can recognize the good guys, as Army Uniforms vs Pyjamas and Burkas seems a bit complicated for them.

British justice has, since 1903, held the views of ‘the man on the Clapham Omnibus’ as the personification of public opinion. Australia have adopted their own phrase ‘the man on the Bondi tram’ and many other countries have local sayings that follow suit. Today, in Britain, the woman on the tram was remanded into custody […]

My wife just gave birth to our first son after an arduous 23 hour labour. Glad I wasn’t paying her by the hour.

I’ve just had a phone call from npower asking me how i’d feel if I were getting cheaper gas from them? I said ”i’d feel exactly the same as I do now but i’d be getting cheaper Gas!”

The new cherry flavoured Pringles. Once you pop you just can’t stop.

I have never stopped anyone from saying woman can’t drive…. but god so help whoever tells them they can….

Yes, breathing, living, eating, having money, and not dying in a horrible way are some things that I’m really glad about. That doesn’t mean I need to be a fan of them.

Just read the headline ‘Motorcyclist killed in A1 collision’ on the BBC website. I for one think that the media should show more respect to the grieving family and refrain from rating fatal accidents.

Am I the only person eagerly awaiting a Sickipedia iPhone app?

My wife wanted an “adult discussion” about my obsession of watching old comedy on Dave. She said “I want to be civil” I replied “OK can I be Basil?”

Apparently, Rizla justify their production of Kingsize papers by saying they are for long distance lorry drivers and not for drug use. Yeah right! And I spend my time in internet chat rooms talking to children because I don’t want them to be lonely.

I received a sitting ovation once.

“5ft 7 Tom Cruise to act as 6ft 5 man mountain in new movie” Well, if CGI can make monkeys talk, blue aliens, and entire worlds, I’m sure they can make it look like Tom Cruise can act.