Category: sarcasm

BBC News: ‘Mystery of beheaded French King solved’. Hmmm… just guessing, but I’d say he got his head cut off.

TV advert for a home learning…. “I have just completed my creative writing course, the feeling is….indiscribable” Money well spent then!

‘I’m gonna cut off my eyebrows and draw new ones on with a pencil’ – Woman logic

MSN News Headline. “Gardener shot in head has no memory of event.” I’m the same, sometimes I forget where I put my keys, sometimes I forget what day it is, sometimes I forget when I’ve been shot in the head. No-one remembers the little details.

My girlfriend came into the living room and asked, “Has somebody been clipping their toenails into the bath?” “You mean apart from me?”

I like to whistle when I’m bored. Tends to make church more interesting.

Portuguese detectives have tonight found the body of Maddie McCann in her Praia Da Luz apartment. The Metropolitan Police have been first to offer their congratulations.

The wife just said to me, “Why is it that you always want to do the bare minimum?” “Do you want me to answer that?” I replied.

My driving instructor just said, “When driving through thick fog, what should you use?” “A car.” I replied

2009 For Kids: This fat piggy crashed the market, This fat piggy gave us flu, This fat piggy piggy got a bonus, And the general public got none. And this fat piggy went ‘wee wee wee’ as he claimed expenses on his second home.

Have you heard of the new game African children have started playing? ”Where’s Kony?”

‘Describing my love for you is like describing the taste of water,’ I said to my new girlfriend. Smiling, she said ‘Awww..’ ‘Yeah, its bland and doesn’t exist.’

“Your ticket helps support the British film industry.” How about using some of the money to make a decent film for once?

I had a row with my girlfriend down the pub last night and ended up chucking my drink over her. Thank god I was only drinking Carling.

The man who came up with estimation has died…. His funerals due to take place round about Wednesday next week.