Category: puns

A friend of mine has taken to wearing a horse’s tack attached to his trousers. I told him, ‘That’s a bit below the belt.’

if you can’t keep it in your pants, Keep it in your family

Did you hear about the stuntman that couldn’t hear? He performed deaf defying stunts.

Four-time Olympic skiing gold medallist Matti Nykanen has been arrested on suspicion of attempting to murder his wife. Looks like their marriage has gone downhill.

My boss told me to make a film about something which holds paper together. Unfortunately, I only showed him a few clips.

It has been annoying me for ages because I forgot the name of the actor that played Forrest Gump, then someone told me today. T.Hanks.

My wife caught me on the sofa wearing nothing but my birthday suit. She was furious… we never normally open presents the night before.

So I was out in town the other day dressed as a pepper, when I was approached by a promotions lady giving away free bubbly chocolate “have an aero?” she asked, “no! Scotch Bonnet” I replied.

An elderly lady asked my friend for his seat on the bus today… I wouldn’t stand for that.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

With petrol so expensive I’ve an idea to pour it in empty milk bottles with a bit of rag as a bung and selling it on street corners. Everyone says I’ll be making a bomb.

My mate was in a go kart race and kept going even after all his wheels fell off. It was a tireless effort

I had an out of body experience yesterday. I was completely beside myself.

I was watching a TV show about Alan Davies getting arthritis. Jonathan Creak

You can now buy software that spams underage girls. 16.99 from Phisher-Price.