Category: puns

Kim Jong-un promises a new clear future for North Korea. Oops, spelt nuclear wrong.

My wife asked me, “Are there are any better ways of finely cutting cheese than with a knife?” I replied, “I could think of grater things.”

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

My wife thinks she’s witty. She’s half right.

I was walking down a street in Paris when a guy gave me a bunch of small onions for free. So I said, “Thank shallot”

Charities that help neglected children are easily ignored.

What has four wheels and flies? A dustbin truck.

My girlfriend threw a plant at me and said, “I can’t handle your terrible puns anymore, this relationship is over!” I said, “Please don’t leaf me! LEAF! Haha! ….where are you going?”

I don’t understand how gravestones have become popular….. So many people are dead against them.

My friend is really depressed at the moment with his job working at the Fanta factory. Iv been told he just stands at the end of the production line and doesnt talk to anyone…. I dont know what to say to him. He just keeps bottling things up.

The popularity of voyeurism is peeking

My job at the cement factory seems to get harder and harder.

I think I just saw Damon Albarn on a motorbike. Not sure, it was a bit of a blur.

I’ve just come back from the corner shop. I bought four corners.

Quick pole: North or South?