Category: puns

I forgot to meet my disabled friend at the cinema last night. It was the first time he’s ever been stood up.

I took my dog to a car showroom today. I turned to him and said, “They have an interesting Range Rover.”

After a rollercoaster was controversially built over the local graveyard I was up in arms. It makes it more fun to ride that way.

Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.

I was on a crazy lads holiday when I met a bloke from Afghanistan. His name was Allsummer Bin Larginit

I was Looking at Buying a 3 story house. But my wife said it had too many flaws.

I just bought some new jeans with velcro running down the sides. My mates think it was a stupid thing to buy, but i reckon I can pull them off.

I used to work in a hairdresser’s just to get the tips. But i never used to get my cut

I’ve always lived out of a suitcase. I’ve never lived inside a suitcase.

Someone told me that my hair makes me look fat. So I decided to diet.

i’ve got a photographic memory… i forget things in a flash

what do you call a deaf father? hugh watson

I’ve only ever had one splinter, hopefully it wont happen again… Touch wood.

Today, a doctor came up to me and offered to repair my destroyed nerve endings with an experimental procedure. Couldn’t hurt.

Apparently a truck carrying boxes of wigs has overturned, spilling its load across the M1. Police are combing the area.