Category: puns

It’s not that I didn’t know how to use that website. I just couldn’t give a FAQ.

BREAKING NEWS …… Liverpool FC will be taken over on Monday by South African businessman Dave King and Glasgow restauranteur Satti Singh. They will then be known as the Singh King ship.

What do you call the most annoying dinosaur ever? A Vuvuzilla.

Most guys don’t understand why having a prostate exam is important, but usually they get it in the end.

NatWest have installed the first ever cash machine in a tree in Epping Forest. If it proves successful, they might open them in other branches.

I pulled this girl last night who was obssessed with nuts. All I got was a pecan the cheek.

Got into a fight with a sea creature who I thought was my friend. Turns out he was anemone.

I wouldn’t say that Bradley Wiggins has an unhealthy obsession with cycling. I just think he’s Bike-curious

I really cant be a professional pallbearer any longer. The jobs been getting on top of me.

Those push-up bras don’t work. Bought one for my girlfriend, and she can still only manage 10 or so before her arms get tired.

Uncle Ben found dead. No more Mr Rice guy.

I heard a rumour that a man in town is selling a fake bedside-clock. It’s a false alarm.

You’ll find me using two keyboards at once. I like to stereotype.

I went to a barbecue at Matthew Corbett’s house yesterday. We had a Sweep steak.

When Bill Oddie dies, will he keep twitching?