Category: puns

When my TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

My wife said, “It’s raining cats and dogs outside!” I replied, “Well, as long as it wasn’t reindeer.”

My teachers always said I would be an underachiever and they were right – just won the world limbo dancing championships.

I was in tears when my cat had to be put down. I looked into his wide eyes and whispered in his ear; “I love you Piddles, never forget that.” I then put him down in his basket and got a few questionable looks from my family as I plodded off into the kitchen.

These jokes about the Batman shootings are the Bane of my existence.

I feed my children sewage. They are, quite literally, drains on my resources.

Too cut a long story short… …You need some scissors.

A little part of me died when I got castrated.

A guy with big fingers and thumbs won at poker last night. He had such a great hand.

I’ve started a new sweet company…I’m going to make a mint.

I’ve just been to watch a dancing fish show. They were Brill.

I used to be obsessed with Posh Spice. I can’t believe how much money I spent on saffron.

I find the middle part of sandwiches quite filling.

I’m surprised people go out in Scotland with the wind how it is. Hats off to them.

Just cleaned the garage with my girlfriend. She was hard to pick up and her hair is now full of oil, but she made a smashing broom.