Category: puns

I feel so sorry for those Chinese babies who died after having milk contaminated with melamine. On the bright side they may be dead but at least they had a lovely finish.

Graham Onions is such a good cricketer. Just watching him brings a tear to my eye.

I saw a man walking down the street screaming “I am an adult magazine” I thought “Are you Nuts?”

The drug dealer on my street is a terrible housekeeper. His place is a meth.

I asked my doctor if he thinks I’m over my obsession with Tipperary. He said “there’s still a long way to go”

My mate reckons it really easy to make a joke, and that you can make one out of anything these days. “You could easily make a joke out of a Roman Road” he said “It’s not that straight forward” I replied

I had a dream the other night that I was walking in the dark and I fell in the sea off the coast of Calais. It must have been a night-mer.

Somebody closed the lid on my piano. Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

I met a Chinese gymnast who would cartwheel around the bedroom, backflip onto the bed, take her knickers of mid-air and then land, legs open, in front of me on the bed It was a cunning stunt

They’re going to make a child robot that can play music and videos. iKid you not.

Been looking around town to get a spiderman costume. No luck so gonna try the web.

I was recently sentenced to death. The judge’s verdict was that I am to be hung by the end of the week. The tension’s killing me.

This bloke in the pub said “I remember you! You sold me that broken alarm clock two months ago.” It didn’t ring a bell.

I grew up in an Orphanage. It was nothing to write home about.

I reached an all-time high last night. About 5 cm from the ceiling.