Category: puns

I’m really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

That woman who threw a cat in the bin really hurt my felines.

Birth, the only instance when two heads aren’t better than one.

As punishment for my recent puns, the wife made me make dessert; I mixed a combination of tomato paste and icing sugar, ladled it onto a pastry base and served it. “This must have been a lot of effort” She responded drily when served her slice. “On the contrary; it was a pizza cake” I […]

What happens when you do trigonemetry on a sunny day? You get a tan.

When I was a kid I always felt like my parents were out to get me Particularly that time I ran away from home

I’m setting up a law practice that specialises in defending Paedophiles. To attract business we’re advertising for a barely legal secretary.

Whenever I look at my wife and her conjoined twin I think: “Now there’s a woman and a half…”

Got in a fight with a black man today. Beat him blue.

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.

Girls think I’m weird because I count a piece of furniture as my best friend. I guess tonight it’s just me, my shelf, and I.

Finishing a book is one of the best feelings ever. End of story.

I got chatting to this girl who’s Siamese twin died during the separation operation. She’s a millionaire now and spends most of her time abroad relaxing on beaches, shopping and dining in expensive restaurants. Oh, how the other half lives.

Argentina have just brought on Tchaikovsky to try and up the tempo…

I made a really good citrus fruit that grows underwater It’s sublime