Category: puns

How come the BBC is the only outlet that seems unaware that one of their news teams is being beaten and detained in Lybia? Suppose the answer is in the question.

I used to file my nails, but I thought: ‘what’s the point in keeping them?’

My friend came over to my house earlier and I showed him my collection of music magazines. After he left I noticed that a few had gone missing. In future I’ll keep my friends close and my NMEs even closer.

If men get morning wood….. Do women get morning dew?

I was going to be a pilot, but my career never really took off.

People at risk may soon get earthquake warning alerts. Scientists say the new technology is groundbreaking.

You know what really brightens up my day? The sun.

So I heard about the shooting at the cinema in Colorado, I guess that guy was really the Bane of their lives.

I seen some doctors and nurses out jogging two days before the annual medical staff half marathon. It must have been a practice run.

My Girlfriend reminded me too much of a poo So I dumped her

. . . / – – – I regret writing that. Remorse Code

I tried that speed reading today. Tomorrow Ill up the stakes and use heroin.

did you hear about that new law on constipation? the government are still trying to push it through.

Whenever I opened my loaf, I noticed there was a dead rodent in it. Then I thought, “That mouse is inbred.”

Anybody else listen to Radio 1? I wish they had told us that Radio 1’s big weekend was on. They haven’t mentioned it once in the last two weeks.