Category: professions

A guy goes to the psychiatrist. “What’s your problem then?” asks the shrink. “My wife treats me like a dog!” says the man. “OK, lie down on the couch and tell me about it” “Sorry I can’t, I’m not allowed on the couch!”

Respect to all those who risk their lives every day to make the world we live in a safer place. God bless electricians.

“It’s either kill or cure.” Hardly the most confidence inspiring words the doctor could say to me. I think I’ll go private.

Did you hear about the gynaecologist who decorated his hall through the letter box?

Police arrested two boys. One was eating fireworks, the other was drinking battery acid… They charged one and let the other off.

I was interviewed by the police this afternoon. During the interview, they asked me if I knew anything about the recent spate of racist attacks on a black family living locally. They alleged someone had graffitied their house with racist slogans and carried out a string of physical attacks on the family. I said, “Yes […]

What’s the difference between a secretary and a cannon? You wouldn’t fire a cannon that doesn’t blow properly

A man goes to the doctor because he can’t get to sleep at night. The doctor recommended counting sheep to help him fall asleep. The man tries counting sheep and still can’t fall asleep, so returns to the doctor for more advice. The doctor says “sorry, i forgot to tell you, if you want this […]

I’ve been having problems with my memory lately so I went and saw my Doctor. My doctor asked me, “So, how long have you been suffering from dementia?” I guess he was waiting for me to say, “I don’t know.” These doctors really do exist!!!

I just read an article about the 72-year old woman who was tasered by a policeman. According to the article the local residents were “Shocked”. Poor choice of words…

My doctor has said that I’m very unfit at the moment and should do 10 lengths of the swimming pool each day until things improve. I don’t know about anyone else but my lilo has usually gone flat after 5 lengths.

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session. “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.” The patient replies “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”

“I’m prescribing you these suppositories,” explains the doctor, “simply insert them every morning.” “On an empty stomach?” “No, best not to push them that far in.”

I have a really easy time picking up girls. All I say is, “Would you like to come with me?” If they get cheeky, I slap a pair of kinky handcuffs on them and lead them out to my car. I love being a policeman.

Anybody else think the police are becoming lazier? They find a womans body in a freezer They are treating it as suspicious… Almost as if they are half expecting she tripped, fell in and locked herself in there?!