Category: professions

“Take one of these pills before going to bed tonight,” says the doctor, “and another in the morning if you wake up.”

The NUT said today that testing 11 year olds is a form of child abuse. If they think that’s bad, they clearly haven’t been on this site.

Apparently everyone hates the Polish for coming over here and taking our jobs. Not Sean Connery though, he seems to think they all fight crime.

This NHS Direct is brilliant, just like going to the doctors. Logged in and input all my symptoms and it gave me a diagnosis and printed out what tablets to take. In a font I couldn’t read.

My girlfriend said “You just went through a red traffic light, that’s illegal!” I replied “Can’t be, the policecar behind me has just done it too”.

“Doctor, doctor! I can’t stop dancing!” The doctor glances up and the dancing man and says, “Sounds like you have dance fever.” The man bursts out laughing, amused that his doctor can make him feel better with a joke. “Doc, that’s hilarious,” the man exclaims. “I can’t believe you managed to say it with a […]

I walked into a dentist’s office. The dentist asked me what the problem was. I said, “I’m a moth.” The dentist said, “You’re a moth?” I said, “Yes! I’m a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I’m a moth!” The dentist said, “Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist’s office. […]

Doctor: Congratulations, Sir. Your HIV test results has come back negative! Patient: Are you positive, Doc? Doctor: I am but that’s none of your business.

An actual true story I witnessed last night: Police were present in the city centre and on horseback. My mate walked upto one and started stroking the horse. He then said: “How long does it take to train one of these?” Copper replied, “Around 6 months.” My mate, quick as a flash, said, “I was […]

After i leave for school theres always something i forget. yeasterday, my keys today it was my camcorder and binoculars!

Sky News Headline: Police Crack Cocaine Deal Even the police are doing crack now..

I’m not a Gynaecologist, but I’ll take a look.

I work with antiques. Calling bingo for them.

If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then onto a little seesaw and then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.

I’m a PC and i’ve been beaten to death with a hammer