I got arrested today. It …
I got arrested today. It seems you can shorten “Sergeant” to “Sarge”, but you can’t do the same with “Constable”.
Continue ReadingI got arrested today. It seems you can shorten “Sergeant” to “Sarge”, but you can’t do the same with “Constable”.
Continue ReadingI went to my doctor and told him that every time I see a Biro lid, I get all sad and tearful. “Tell me,” he replied, “how long have you had these pen top emotions?”
Continue ReadingA Nottingham policeman’s favourite snack – Hot Dogs
Continue ReadingMy favourite painter is that Rorschach guy who paints all the pictures of mutilated corpses
Continue ReadingBBC News – “Rioters cost JD 700,000” I see that there isn’t a similar headline for Waterstones…
Continue ReadingA chav walked into a hospital. “Are you here for the transfusion?” asked the doctor, “Yes, blud.”
Continue ReadingIf I was a doctor I’d lighten the mood by saying things like “I hope that’s a tattoo of a cancerous mole on your back.”
Continue Reading“The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium,” Tom said half-heartedly.
Continue ReadingI work as a postman. The pay isn’t great, but anything addressed to ‘Cash 4 Gold’ is a good bonus.
Continue ReadingTottenham Riots: “Protesters are believed to have gathered outside the police station earlier in the evening but the situation turned violent at about 20:20 BST” That’s 20:20 “Blacks start trouble” then
Continue ReadingI’ve only just heard the shocking news from Haiti. Apparently blacks have jobs there.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said she wants to be a comedian. “You’ll be just as succesful as all those other female comedians out there,” I told her. “Like who?” “Exactly.”
Continue ReadingI went to a psychiatrist last week. I felt people kept taking advantage of me. I’m going back tomorrow to finish decorating the surgery .
Continue ReadingThere’s something strange in my neighborhood! I think I’ll call Ghostbusters…they’re better than the riot police!!
Continue ReadingThere I was, sat in the waiting room, sweaty, shaking, and nervous about the results of my test to be revealed. The doctor walked in, then sat down, I look him in the eye and said, “Doctor, give it to me straight!” “That’s impossible, we’re both men”, he replied, “Plus I don’t want Chlamydia.”
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