Category: professions

Due to the rising cost of fuel and impending strikes, I’ve had to quit my part time job as a freelance arsonist.

I’ve recently got a job as a shepard and it’s so tiring. I can’t even count my flock without falling asleep.

I went to see a psychiatrist about my multiple personality disorder. He told me not to worry about it and just be myself.

BBC News: Police chase boy killed by train. Maybe they have a chance of catching this one.

On my way home from work last night I was speeding down the motorway at 150mph, cutting up cars and generally having no regard for the rules of the road. I love being a cop.

I went to my local GP today; he said he wanted me to go to hospital for a few tests… I’m dreading the revision.

A woman walks into the doctor’s surgery but doesn’t like the way he’s looking at her. When he tells her to undress, she asks him to turn out the lights before she disrobes. After he turns out the lights she asks, “Where will I put my clothes?” “Hang them up over here,” he says, “next […]

A doctor is walking down a hospital ward when he hears a shriek and sees a nun running out of another doctor’s office. Curious, he steps in to find out what’s going on. “Oh, I just told that nun she’s pregnant,” says the second doctor. “My god, is she?” asks the first doctor. “Of course […]

G20 inquest: Pc pushed Tomlinson ‘to move him away’. Yeah, like the yanks move people away with their AC130s.

The sergeant told me that as a constable, it’s quite unprofessional of me to sign the bottom of all complaint letters with my initials. I don’t though. It’s a mere coincidence that my name is Thomas Lloyd David Richardson.

Bullied at School? Join the Metropolitan Police and get your own back! Call the recruitment line on 0845 *** ****

patient: doctor,doctor i think i have a brain tumor! doctor: relax its all in your head.

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?” He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so […]

I pulled out of Tim Horton’s this morning after buying a box of donuts for my co-workers. Apparently my signal went out and a cop pulled me over. The cop walked to the window and asked, “do you know why I pulled you over?” I replied, “because you could smell them.” As I pointed at […]

A good carpenter will do his work and then varnish without a trace.