Category: professions

I sucked off a tightrope walker yesterday. My doctor said I need a more balanced diet.

I should have been a cop i’m always helping them with their inquiries

How do you defend racism at the work place? Best part of being a cop, you don’t have to.

After hours of carefully infiltrating a well-known drug dealers hideout, all of the drug dealers managed to get away, furious the leading Police Chief looks for his second in command, he shouts; ‘I thought I told you men to watch all the exits!’ ‘But sir’ replies the officer ‘We did watch all the exits’ ‘So, […]

A guy said to me “You buskers are all the same, get a real job!” I begged to differ.

The government want more police on the streets. There will be after all the job cuts.

I don’t know why all these Americans are complaining about the police using pepper spray. For most of them it’s the closest they’ll get to having one of their 5-a-day.

Whenever I feel ill enough to make a doctor’s appointment, I strangely hope that I stay sick until I see the doctor.

Get free parking anywhere you like by smashing a couple of your car’s windows, ripping out your radio and placing a notice on the windscreen reading “Police Aware”. If you need longer than a few hours, you may have to temporarily burn out your car.

You’ve gotta take your hat off to hairdressers.

I recently tried to join the Magic Circle, but failed the interview. They kept asking me trick questions.

I was testing my computer’s new webcam when two thugs broke into my home. They beat me up and made off with loads of my valuables. Fortunately, my webcam was running the whole time and recorded it all. So I phoned the police and told them what had happened, and said “I’ve got the whole […]

I walked out the operating room to meet the worried family and said, “Good news, we’ve managed to save your son’s leg.” “Thank you so much doctor, we …” “Of course like most steamroller accidents, we couldn’t save the rest of the body.”

The doctor said “I’m prescribing you this medicine, but I’m not going to tell you the dosage” I didn’t know how to take it.

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. But I’ve never had the patience.