Category: professions

Whilst doing my taxi driving shift today, i was paid to take an American on a tour around London. As we reached the London eye, the American asked “How long did it take to build that?” “Six years”, i said. So the American said, “In the states, we could have built that in six days”. […]

So the FA is refusing to pay Portsmouth for playing in the FA Cup because they are in administration. That seems logical. Now, as a doctor, I have decided to stop giving patients medication because they are ill.

“What’s wrong, miss?” asked the kindly policeman when he saw the girl crying. “A thief has just stolen 20 I had hidden inside my knickers,” she sobbed. “Did you try to stop him?” inquired the policeman. The girl replied, “I didn’t know he was only after my money.”

I got stopped by a copper last night. The officer said, “Do you have a police record?” I said, “Yes, Walking on the Moon from 1979.”

I’m a surgeon in Liposuction. I prefer to call it Waist Disposal.

I remember when I was young and my dad always used to play tricks on me, like filling ketchup bottles with Tabasco and changing the salt for the sugar. Never found out what he filled the mayonnaise bottles with, though.

I think PCSO’s do valuable work. Without them, how would we know where the nearest cashpoint is ?

Saw a game of football today between a load of Hospital Doctors v Admin Staff I have to say some of the on field play was clinical

I was playing tag with some kids in the park. I was “it”, So I was chasing them. I was just about to tag a little girl, Which is when you came around the corner Officer.

If you’re looking to work 3 hours a day, 2 days a week for about 8000 a month, please contact me! We can look for it together.

Ive had to take a week off work to go to the doctors and get some medicine, And by doctors i mean Asda, And by medicine in 3 cases of beer for 20.

I went to see my psychiatrist. “It was terrible,” I said. “I was away on business and sent my wife a text message to say I’d be home a day early. When I got home, I found her in bed with my best mate – how could she do this to me, how could she?” […]

I don’t know why people always want black people to leave the country. Think about it, how many policemen would be left without jobs?

I got some cream from the doctor today. Which was strange because he wasn’t really my type.

I was late to work the other day because the woman on the till was one of those who wanted to tell her life story. The policeman at the front of the queue was no better – he kept on encouraging her: what did he look like? how tall was he? how many times did […]