Category: professions

America: The only place in the world where the police are dumb enough to pull over a car and then ask the driver what the registration is.

A Social Worker was being mugged with a gun to his head. The mugger said, ‘your money or your life!’ The Social Worker replied, ‘I’m sorry, I’m a Social Worker so I have no money or life.’

Mr. Brown is at the doctor’s: “Doctor, I can’t sleep at night because I keep having to think about the crocodile under my bed.” “I’ll prescribe some medication,” says the doctor. “You should be feeling better within a week.” A week later, Mr. Brown is at the doctor’s again: “I can’t sleep, doctor. I’m still […]

I went to the doctor the other day and said.. “Doctor, I’m Really depressed, i cant find a girlfriend.” He asked me what my ideal woman would be like and i replied.. “She’d probably be anorexic and afraid of heights.” He looked at me, sighed and said.. “Thats unfortunate, they’re thin on the ground”

My doctor said to me, “I’ve got 2 things to tell you. You’ve just won a liffetime’s supply of beans.” I said, “Oh, that’s good.” He then handed me over 1 tin of Heinz. I said, “I thought you said I won a lifetime’s supply?” He said, “That’s the other thing, you’ve only got 24 […]

I went to see a psychiatrist today, he claims i have many social problems including trouble with dealing with authority and that i’m in denial. Particular when handling the truth about myself. I couldn’t believe it.

The other day I got pulled over by a police officer. He made me roll down my window, then asked me if I knew why he pulled me over. “Because you got D’s in college,” I replied.

Cop to Pothead – Smoking Weed only gives you a false sense of security ! Pothead – “Yeah, just like the Cop Badge”

Bomb disposal experts’ wives. Keep your hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.

I went to the doctor about my persistent laughter. He gave me some pills but I was laughing so hard I spat them back out. He frowned and said, ‘You need to take them seriously for them to work.’

How many policemen does it take to smash an egg? None. It fell down the stairs.

In the United Kingdom it is illegal for the police to strike. Well if they did.whose going to arrest them

BBC News- US love letter posted in 1958 takes 53 years to arrive The Royal Mail could learn something from them

Alzheimer’s Test: If you turn up for the appointment, you’re gonna be okay.

I used to work in a supermarket as the person who hands out free samples But i was asked to leave after the cups of bleach incident…